Ask Capita: Manager has no boundaries and sends non-urgent messages 24/7.
My new manager is a great person but has terrible work-life boundaries. They send Slack messages, non-urgent questions, and meeting requests at all hours (10:30 PM, 6:00 AM on weekends, etc.). I know they don't expect an immediate reply, but seeing the notifications spike my anxiety and makes me feel like I need to be "on call." I want to set a clear boundary for my team and myself without offending a new manager. How do I politely communicate that I won't respond until the next business day? —Boundary Builder
This week’s response was prepared by Queer Capita Board Member, Paulina Vo.
Hi Boundary Builder,
There are a few pieces to this.
First and foremost, that anxiety that you're feeling, that "on-call" feeling... Where do you think that comes from?
Understanding the "Always On" Mid-Career Anxiety
Stop the Anxiety: Disintegrating Imposter Syndrome
I'd bet that some internal reflection would reveal that your anxiety is an extension of where you've come from as someone who's a few years into their career. It's quite common for those at the midlevel stage of their career to experience an ongoing anxiety around having to prove themselves, having to raise their hand, and being available.
The real beneficial step you can take for yourself is to talk this anxiety out with yourself.
In case it helps to hear it... You're already there, you're already performing in your career, you've made it. Let that imposter syndrome disintegrate!
Through self-regulation and mitigation, I'd set a goal to acknowledge that you don't need to feel anxiety, you don't need to jump onto every message or every meeting request that you get.
Practical Communication: Setting Boundaries with Your Manager
Simple Manager Check-ins (Slack, Email, Meetings)
The second part I want to make sure you consider is: "How can I feel empowered by the fact that I am a more senior person or maybe a team lead on my team?"
This empowerment will come over time through clear communication about work stress and boundaries. Specifically, communicating with your manager directly, transparently, and firmly is the best way to improve the dynamics at play, and hopefully offer your manager ways to mitigate their anxiety as well.
Some practical ideas to help: They could schedule a Slack. Schedule an email. A weekly check-in to go through meetings and priorities (simple, but that can help!). Or even automate scheduled messages to schedule a meeting.
I think what is most important is that you show your manager, "Hey, I'm also trying to be a good leader by clearly and effectively communicating with you as well."
—Paulina
3 Steps to Stronger Work Boundaries:
Acknowledge and self-regulate your "on-call" anxiety.
Talk it out: Recognize that you've already made it and let go of imposter syndrome.
Communicate clearly and firmly with your manager about priorities and availability.
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